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Riku Miyazaki

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baby im you [18 Apr 2008|11:39pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

so i didnt think trying to get over someone would be this hard. there is not a day that doesnt go by that i dont think about anthony. it sucks. like ive said before, my friend hella blow me up to be this hella tight ass person, but when it come to relationships, the other person doesnt see it. or they do but its not good enough.

where did i go wrong. anthony told me that he wanted to be with me and that he couldnt think about getting back with his ex. all this i like you this much blah blah. what a fcuken liar. he evn fooled my friends. did everyone not hella jock him. he was perfect. and i KNEW it was too good to be true. i swear its karma. i talked to julio about everything last night and told him what happened. never leave the person you love for the person you like because the person you like will leave you for the person they love. my spine tingled when he said that. its so true. again, karma. i feel so bad for doing that to him. yeah we were having problems and anthony came at the right time, but we couldve easily worked on things. i was crying so much last night. partly cause i didnt wanna lose julio because of what happened, and cause i miss anthony so much. i didnt tell julio that cause it wouldve probably crushed him. im such a fcuken asshole. maybe i deserved this.

i shouldve seen it. anthony frequently questioned if i talked to julio. and i hadnt. i was happy with anthony, why would i talk to julio and hurt him more? the whole time he was talking to his ex. ugggghh. i miss anthony so much. he was perfect. julio asked me if he tried to come back, if id take him back and i told him no. honestly, i think my dumb ass would. i hate being alone. anthony was so good to me. i want someone like that again.

i really dont know if julio & i should get back together. i feel like i betrayed him. i did. and i broke up with him for a reason. im not trying to stick to that negative reason, cause like i said, we could work on things. i just dont wanna deal with any more bullshit anymore. its funny cause anthony was like, 'gay guys are always hopping from one person to another, i wanna find someone i can stay with forever.' did i not assure him i was that person. WHAT THE FCUK AM I DOING WRONG. i swear i should just stay single forever. but im not. i want to be with someone. i want someone to make me happy and i wanna make someone happy. without all this bullshit..

(3 loudmouths | echo screen)

ughghghg [11 Apr 2008|01:43am]
[ mood | sad ]

so i was attempting to write an enrty then i deleted it cause im stupid. now im gonna finish.
so i broke up with julio to try something with anthony cause he seems like an awesome person and julio and i werent doing to well. anthonys ex was in iraq and he told me they broke up because of differences and he didnt wanna get back with him. so just as a expected, as soon as this nigga gets back, its a total 180. today was seiros first day back and anthony was acting hella weird. first he was sending me texts that were meant for seiro[HOW THE FCUK DO YOU GET YOUR 'a's AND YOUR 's's MIXED UP!!] and then i asked him about it and he was like we'll talk later. then after a day of being left in the dark, he told me he still has feelings for him. so what the fcuk does that mean? so im assuming that its over. i mean its not like we were going out for a long time. i think it was like only 2 weeks. so whatev. i mean yeah im hurt but theres nothing i can do. the thing that makes me mad, is that hes known from the beginning that i broke up with julio to get with him. and then hes gonna pull this shit on me.
he was like, i was with him for a year, and im still considerate of his feelings. WELL WHAT THE FCUK. YOURE WITH ME NOW, AND YOURE NOT CONSIDERATE OF MINE. i was talking to julio for 2 years and we were together for one. yeah im considerate of his feelings but im not catering to him cause hes sad im not with him. then he says shit like, i never meant to hurt you. yeah whatever nigga. fcuk guys are hella fcuken stupid. i might as well be fcuken straight.

(echo screen)

hella stupid [12 Mar 2008|11:48pm]
[ mood | confused ]

so its been a really long time since ive updated.
hella shit is going on right now and it hella sucks.
imma start off with sarah & leslie. i think this LJ can more document what has happened between both parties more than anything. apparently, me venting to either party about each other has caused this. when i would have problems with leslie i would vent to sarah. and vice versa. i didnt really have that many problems with sarah. with leslie, yeah. now its at the point where they hate each other. but should it really be like that? should my opinion on either side, have any influence on each others opinion of one another? i guess to a certain extent yes, but not to an extent like it is now. unbenounced to me, they had messged each other talking shit. for what reason, i dont know, but it escalated to this and leslie took it upon herself to drive to sarahs MOMS house while her BABY was insiide the house and call her out to fight. one, leslie should have NEVER done that. that is the most disrespectful thing ever. two, i dont know why they would even be so immature to message each other on myspace talking shit. three, why would sarah go outside to confront her. call the cops. four, why am i getting blamed for EVERYTHING? essentially, i had vented to each party about the other, but did i tell them to message each other and talk shit to each other? NO. i guess this has been going on for a while now and its escalated to this just now. prior to this, everything was cool. when they would be together, no one would say anything. they just acted like they didnt know each other. to me it sucked cause they were both like my best friends. it sucked that they didnt like each other, but there was nothing i could do to make either party like each other. i tried. so i left it alone. the whole messaging thing, i had no idea about. i dont know the extent of the messaging, but it obviously had been going on for some time for this to happen.
so sarah calls me during this and was like, i hope youre fcuking happy, she knows where i live and its all your fault. WHY WOULD I TELL LESLIE WHERE SHE LIVED IF I KNEW THEY HATED EACH OTHER?! what conversation could have possibly come up between me and leslie for me to give her sarahs address?! so i got blamed for that. i was crying cause i had no idea what was going on yet it was my fault.
one minute i was kicking it with sarah & manuel and then i went to lupes with leslie & andi. leslie reads a message on her myspace, and gets up and leaves. then i get a phone call from julio saying leslie is at her house and theyre fighting. leslie should have NEVER done that. but theres nothing i can do to change what happened. im trying to fix things, but nothing is working.
sarah says it my fault, cause im the 'core' of the problem. why she hates leslie i guess. but is it really my fault that they messaged each other? is it my fault they continued to hate each other after i had try to make them not. maybe i didnt try hard enough. raechelle gave me a lecture on how i cant please everyone. i guess its true. i just wanted two of my best friends to get along. they didnt have to hold hands & hang out, but at least not have an negative feelings toward each other. so is it my fault they hate each other? maybe so. dyana told me if i had addressed the problems i had with both head on then i wouldnt be where im at now. hence the reason they hate each other. to me if someone tells me something about someone, that doesnt make me hate them or not like them. i may joke about it but im not serious. im friends with everyone. i have few enemies, anyone can tell you that.
now sarah is basically cutting ties with me. even going to the point of asking for my niece's baby picture back thats in my wallet cause she doesnt want anything negative to be said about her or her family. why would i let that happen. it hurts that she would think i would let someone say anything negative about my niece let alone her. it makes me wonder what she really thinks of me. my own 'best friend' whom ive established an awesome friendship with. and also she asked me to take down a picture i have with us in it. due to the negative comments that might be made.
ive been apologizing to her with no avail. it sucks cause you would think that your BEST FRIEND would look past this. dont get me wrong, what happened was fcuked up and i dont want her to say okay i forgive you and lets go back to normal. but at least talk about things and try to resolve them. shes totally cut me off and wants nothing to do with me. she is, 'too hurt by me to face me'. hurt by me how? WHAT DID I DO!? did i make leslie write to her. did i make her write to leslie? im the 'core' of things. im the reason they hate each other. i guess i am at fault. im the thing in each of their heads saying, 'yeah hate her cause she did this to him.' i didnt know that my friendship was the fcuken holy grail.
everyone i talk to is telling me not to worry. everything will get better. but it wont. or i dont need people like that in my life. but i do. i guess the only thing i can do now is wait it out.
as i re-read the texts from sarah some things become apparent. ill leave it alone.
i am at fault for everything. im not saying this out of pathetic sympathy for myself, but i have to take some blame for some of this. i am the 'core' of things right? that enough should tell me its my fault. all i can do is hope for the best for everyone and live my life how it is.
some friends are like branches on your tree, some are leaves. you wanna keep the branches. the leaves will come and go. i want all my friends to be branches. i guess thats not gonna happen. i guess that branch has broke off.. i will miss her greatly.

'everything changes, friends become strangers. what we hold so dear slips away. the past keeps on fading, but ill never forget you. its hard to see that youre a part of me even when we have to say..'

(echo screen)

the only one i come undone is for you [13 Dec 2007|01:28am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

so its been a really long time. probably since the summer time that ive actually written anything. im just too busy now and when i do get online its to check stupid ass myspace and thats it. i forget i have a journal.
things have definately changed a lot this year.
i have a boyfriend now. julio and i are going on 5 months on the 20th this month. but we've been talking for a year since july of 2006. its been so crazy. like trying to get used to telling people. some of the close friends i want to know dont even know which sucks cause when the find out theyre like, 'why didnt you tell me.. it hurts you never told me..' its not one of those things i wanna be like, 'guess wat!!..' you know. my brother knows but he doesnt know. i need to actually tell him. hahaha. but im glad everyone is so accepting and it makes everything better. being in this relationship has made me so happy. everything is so new though. i dont know how to deal with certain things. im glad i have all these supporting friends. all in all, hes a great guy and i think were an awesome couple.
2007 has been full of fun trips. vegas for my 21st birthday was the best! im almost near my 22nd birthday and it seemed like yesterday when we were in vegas. i wanna go back but let me get hte scrillzz. ahaha. then hawai'i in september was the shit. i love that place so much. im trying to plan a trip for my mums birthday in april. i love the water and the sun and the JAPANESE people. theyre so awesome and their culture is so awesome to observe along with the native hawai'ians.
work is still work. i kinda dont wanna work at t-mobile anymore. im starting to not like customer service. people are so rude. i swear. im trying to look into massage therapy. we'll see where that goes.
my brother made his first huge purchase. he bought a 2oo8 nissan 350z nismo. THERES ONLY 1000 IN THE US. crazy. hes crazy! hahahaha. im glad he has a car that he wanted and liked. shit i got what i wanted.
i wish i could write more but i gots work in the AM. ill try and come back more often.

(4 loudmouths | echo screen)

heeeeeeeeeeeello internet [20 Oct 2007|09:47pm]
so its been forever and a day since ive update. one because i thought my puter was stolen when really my aunt took it from my room and kept it from me for about 3 months to teach me a lesson about leaving my front door unlocked. stupid right? im glad i got my lappy back.
a lot has happened. i really wish i had time to update this but stupid ass work and having people over all the time doesnt allow. some shit happened between me leslie & mike and were no longer frens. its watever tho. i dont have any kids. im not married and im still doing the same thing. the bf is julio still. almost everyone knos now.
(6 loudmouths | echo screen)

[04 Jul 2007|11:13pm]
so now im really drunk. and ive jus cried my eyes out. it seems like ever since i came out, dave and alex hae been weird. especially dave. it sucks. watever. i thre my phone hella times and its prolly broke by now. imma stop now.
(2 loudmouths | echo screen)

i wont look back and wonder how its suppose to be [04 Jul 2007|03:10pm]
[ mood | confused ]

so its been a whole week since ive talked to julio. hes been non-stop texting & calling me. i havent said anything to him since then except, why do you ask questions you already kno the answers to. basically hes drowning in his own guilt. he even has his cousin and her gf text and call me. his fren came in the other day to my work and she had him on the phone and was like i have a message for you. then later that day, he told me he left something in my car[cause i leave my moon roof open and windows cracked cause its so hot], and when i went to my car there was one of those sentimental 'between me & you' cards from hallmark and the entire three folds of the card was filled with writing. ive been getting: 'ill do anything to be with you; im sorry; youre the only one for me; this is harder than i thought; please take me back; give me another chance..' you get it. one thing he said too, was that he was gonna change his number and he told me i can look at it all i want. i can check it all i want, with or without his permission. i feel so bad. like i dunno. hes really trying really hard but everyone is telling me that this is enough. hes done this too me too many times. today jessie called me and told me he messaged her on myspace asking for advice on wat he should do. stuff like i really wanna be with him and i kno i fcuked up but i want him back so bad. then jeanelle called me and he wrote to her as well. with the same stuff. its so hard. yeah i kno i need to get over him but fcuk. this is harder than I thought.

so a lot of people KNO now. which is pretty funny. me dave & alex had 'the talk' and dave was really mad/hurt. he was like, thats fcuked up you kept me in the dark. i felt relieved when he grabbed me and hugged me and was like, youre my brother no matter wat. :] alex said, 'sweet, im still sleeping in your bed with you.' hahahaha. it feels so much better telling them. after that i was telling rita & alexis about wats going on. they wanna kick julios ass. everyone has been so defensive with me. dave asked me if i wanted him to beat him up. funny shit like that. im glad i have friends that care so much for me. i really dont kno wat to do about him. i miss him, but i kno the hurt & pain isnt worth it. im writing that now but when it comes down to it im the total opposite. one of the reasons i told dave wat was going on[along with the fact that he needed to kno] was i was so down. even he could see it. argghhh. well watever. ill see how this all works out. im glad that everyone can joke about this whole THING.

(echo screen)

done [30 Jun 2007|02:41am]
[ mood | cigarettes - the wreckers ]

so its been a long while since ive update, again. lots have changed. me and julio are no loner talking. sucks, i guess. but its for the best. last month i found out he was cheating on me. and i gave him another chance and told him not to fcuk up. and he did, again. this time we were doing hella good. i mean talking, actually talking every day, and texting non-stop. but his guilty conscience gave him up. he was accusing me of shit and there was no reason to accuse me. so i figured it was a guilty conscience. so i was being nosey and i looked at his bill and i found a number that he had been calling non-stop. his myfaves consisted of: gisela, marissa, his house, & me. the last of the five was empty until i checked it the other day and it was that 925 number labeled as 'my future'. yeah. so i jus cut everything off. its done. i checked it today, and it the name for that contact changed to 'lover face'. so i guess hes moved on real fast. it jus sucks a lot. a whole year with this shit. and i knew but i gave him the benefit of the doubt. i guess that was stupid. but watever. i dunno. like im sad and im not. i kinda expected it. fcuk. so now i think im straight again. its so confusing. me and leslie talked about this all night. well imma stop for now. everyone is calling me..

the thing that i did wrong, was put up with his bullshit for far too long..

(2 loudmouths | echo screen)

[30 May 2007|10:28pm]
omfg~!kwhjd ashdlakshyfiuasdhafas
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. boys are stupid.
(echo screen)

i wonder if it even makes a difference to try [29 May 2007|03:24am]
[ mood | tired ]

so im going to try and update this as much as posible. right now i have time because everyone is in my room watching apocalypto in my room while im in my brothers doing the usual myspace/web browsing.

my dumb ass work gave me 5 days off cause of the whole mexico thing. sucks that i had to cancel everything. now i have these days off and im broke cause of the ticket. and so im jus chillin. i hella want to look for another job. the pay isnt the same at t mobile, and neither is the commission. ive been researching other career paths[not that i was trying to make a career out of t mobile], but im really comfortable there. like yeah, the benefits are great, my team is great, and the flexibility[minus this mexico shit] has been awesome. i was looking at going to skool to be a massage therapist. my family says i have a thing for massages and that i should persue a career in that. so maybe.

this whole month has been weird with me and julio. it started off with him going through some shit and he was jus ignoring me. so i said fcuk it i dont need this shit. and now that im showing no interest in him, hes like trying to keep me interested. i just done get it. 'things will get better; soon, soon; in time; im going to prove it to you..' those are the things i hear. its been THIS WHOLE MONTH and i seen no results. so i told him today that he shouldnt be surprised when hes proves me wrong and im not there waiting. i dunno. looking at his piictures makes me miss him more and makes me all soft and forget wat an asshole hes being. and the BUILD-A-BEAR he made me is on my bed all the time and that makes me think about him. i really dont kno wat i want from him. i miss when i seen him almost everyday and we talked non-stop all day. i kno that that dies down in relationships, but i would like to cherish it while it lasts. WERE NOT EVEN TOGETHER. fcuk. thats wat i dont get. he says he wants something with me but it doesnt seem like it. fcuk. i dunno. its hard too, cause not everyone knos. like the two hardest people to tell are dave and my brother. im pretty sure they have an idea or kno by now. but i dunno. dave has hinted a lot of times but i jus ignore it. everyone keeps telling me to tell them. =/
im tired now.

(echo screen)

hunger hurts but starving's worse [21 May 2007|11:39pm]
so i really dont kno where i left off. i kno i havent updated in a minute. ive been busy with work, frens, julio. that sort.

work is work. still at t mobile. im starting to hate it. the direction the company is going in is so wack. yeah it sound good, but theyre starting to cut our hours and pay. im really thinking about going somewhere else, but i dont kno where. im so comfortable there. i love my co workers. theyre really like family and i dont wanna go anywhere else. most of them kno my 'secret' and i love that about them. i was pose to go to puerto villarta with jessie. i bought my ticket and was bout to spend $300 on a passport then someone hated on me and it all went downhill. i made up some lie to tell my manager so i can go. long story short, she found out i was lying cause someone told her and she called me out on it. HELLA GOT CAUGHT so i fessed up. it was weak. but watever. so i had to cancel my ticket and everything. SO IM NOT GOING TO MEXICO ANYMORE! fcuken bitch. watever. so now im kinda on bad terms with her. she fcuken has been getting on me for being 3 minutes late. yeah i kno thats her job and mine to be ON TIME but this bitch is always late or never shows up or leaves early. yeah i kno shes the boss so she can but fcuk. and raechelle IS ALWAYS GETTING AWAY with being late. she has a new excuse every day i sweaR! fcuk. and she leaves early cause of emergencies. its fcuken stupid. but watever. jessie was hella mad that i couldnt go. fcuk. we hella planned everything. fcuken watever.

things with julio and i have been up and down. right after valentines day we got a lot closer than we ever were. then i dont even kno wat happened. he was going through some shit earlier this month and he totally cut me off. hella ignored me and shit. it was hella stupid. he did the same shit that he did the last time we stopped talking. so i said fcuk it. im not gonna put myself through that shit anymore. one: were not even together, two: i told myself that this would be the last time i would give him a chance, three: i dont kno. hahaha. i honestly think hes talking to someone else or some shit. lately ive been like distant. the only day he gets off each week in monday and EVERY monday, he leaves to concord and his phone doesnt work. he thinks im fcuken stupid. I WORK FOR T-MOBILE. i kno where our shit works. so i jus agree with him. im not gonna question it cause its not that serious. i mean it is, but like i said before, im not gonna stress off it too much. now that im not showing that much interest in him, hes been HECKA like.. super on my ass[in a literal sence]. i dunno. EVERYONE keeps telling me i can do better. i kno i can. again, im super comfortable with everything right now. its crazy to see how many people actually kno. i feel bad for not telling my close friends. i dunno. maybe when things work out i will. right now im so confused. really. it sucks.

well i was planning on writing a long entry but andi and leslie jus got here. theyre bored so they came to chill.
(echo screen)

[06 Apr 2007|02:28am]
so my birthday was awesome. vegas is awesome. i really wanna go back. i wish i had a little more enthusiam to finish this entry. maybe later. leslie is mad at me, we might not be frens.. again. weeeeak. julio is awesome. :]
(3 loudmouths | echo screen)

theres really no way to reach me [14 Mar 2007|08:34pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

fcuk. im gonna be 21 soon. its almost surreal. its like, ive been doing everything a 21 year old can do for a while now. wats next? yeah its legal for me to drink now. it jus feels weird. cause i feel like im growing up. i have changed a lot. i think back to how i used to be. so sheltered and to myself. and now im like fcuk. im not hella wild. but im more open than ive ever been before. weather like this jus reminds me of hella shit. and i get all nostalgic. one thing that like hecka gets me all teary is the summer that me and the cabbit hung out. i guess that was both of us breaking out of our shells. well i think my shell. i never hung out with anyone outside skool. but i remember that one time when she bleached my hair and we were watching wuthering heights and she was sitting on her backyard cover thing. fcuk. hella good memories. and FINAL FANTASY X hella reminds me of her. the cabbit was a link to my innocence which i miss so much. not that she took it away from me, but she reminds me of who i am. like the little kid. and i love it. shes grown so much too. i feel like afraid to live right now. like wats out there? i dunno..

(echo screen)

you swallow truth like honey [09 Mar 2007|02:52am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

so julio and i had a talk. this morning, well yesterday morning when i woke up he had texted me. and i got online and we were talking. he said we were drifting apart and i agreed. and i told him ive done all i could to try and fix it and he hasnt done anything. so i suggested that we shouldnt talk anymore. he agreed and disagreed at the same time. he always brings that up as a solution, so i thought, why not. wat do i have to lose? like i want to keep talking to him but were not going anywhere. im not really working towards anything RIGHT NOW, but fcuk, at least show me you like me. so we made up and agreed that we both need to work on MORE things. and that WE BOTH wanna keep talking to each other. so were cool. his excuse this time for being a jerk is cause hes sick. so ill give that to him.

work was work. i fcuken hate working. watching like americas next top model makes me wanna be famous or something. i would hella like to do shit like that. hahaha. SHOOTING FOR HELLA HIGH GOALS right? hahaha. so tonite, jessie, faith, and i went to raechells house to have kareoke night. which turned into us drinking a couple beers and talking about a fight faith had gotten in. faith used me as a prop in her reinactment. i was the girl she was fighting. i feel sorry for the girl. shit, if faith was going easy on me, she mustve fcuked that girl up. after a while julio called me from marissas phone telling me he almost died. i guess he was driving marissas car and they got into an accident. some big ass escalade fcuked her car up. so i went to marissas to see them. her car was really messed up. im glad theyre both ok. i jus got home from there and im tired. but i jus needed to update. g'nite.

(echo screen)

? [29 Jan 2007|12:43pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

so let me elaborate more about friday. from wat i heard, i was super wasted and i was telling leslie to call julio. ALL bad. im so glad that mike and leslie were there to keep me from doing anything crazy. i guess the only thing that im like embarassed about is the way i was acting. i mean yeah, it was all fun and games, and i was WASTED, but i still feel weird. like. im gonna feel uncomfortable around remy and her family now. everyone keeps telling me that i have nothing to worry about but yeah. i need to stop drinking so much. cause i dont kno my limit anymore. i wonder how vegas is gonna be. shit. me and andi were talking about it and i told her i hope i dont do anything TOO crazy. i dont think i will.
well i gott get ready for work. everything feels so weird.

(echo screen)

fcuk memory erasers! [27 Jan 2007|12:43pm]
[ mood | scared ]

for the record, i hate memory erasers. i FCUKEN HATE THAT DRINK. i had 3 last night and i dont remember shit. adsaskjdhasd. im jus so mad, cause i dont kno if i did anything crazy. i talked to farrah this morning and she said i didnt. but i hecka feel like i did. im gonna stop writing. cause i feel all weird from all the monsters i drank last night.

(3 loudmouths | echo screen)

[22 Jan 2007|11:40pm]
wow. this new LJ client is cool. im jus testing it.
ill update moore ma na na. i have work at 9.
(echo screen)

[21 Dec 2006|10:20pm]
i hella dont remember writing that entry titled, 'im not over you'. =/
(1 loudmouth | echo screen)

early bird gets the worm [19 Nov 2006|11:54pm]
[ mood | tired ]

so i got my wii today! after waiting in line in front of toys r us for 10 hours! i really didnt think i was gonna get one jus cause of the whole ps3 craze days before. i called around and every place i called was like.. 'theres a line..' so i was thinking that my chances were slim. i actually procrastinated leaving my house to go wait in line cause i didnt think i was gonna get one. so i got to toys r us at like 12, after getting lost on san diegos 18318927321983 highways that crisscross. i found toys r us and there were people in tents! i was like.. oH SHIT. nevermind. but when i called the chick said that they had 20 units. so i walked up to the door and there was a sign that read, 'wii line starts here ---->' and the arrow was pointing to the line of tents and sleeping bags of people. and then there was another list with names. i put my name on it and i was number 16. so i thought my chances were a lot better than i expected. i didnt come prepared like an idiot. i mean i brought my ipod, psp, and some snacks but NO BLANKET! so after an hour of sitting there freezing, some chick asked me if i wanted to share her blanket. wat a sweet ass girl. we conversated for a minute. exchanged names. her name was miranda and she was waiting in line for her husband who was in normandy on a business trip and he doesnt kno hes getting a wii. she was sleeping on the concrete so i fell asleep next to her. it was very uncomfortable on the floor but i managed to sleep in hour increments every so often. 10 o'clock seems forever away but it came and everyone rushed in to get a wii. i spent $400 all together. the system was $250, zelda was $40, and some protection bs was $30. the dumb ass rep managed to get me to buy a memory card when i knew the wii had enternal memory. i guess im the dumb one for questioning my knowledge of the wii. im going to take the memory card back. i got home and unpacked it and played for a little bit and then i fell asleep.

the controls are kinda weird. i guess it takes some getting used to. i really cant wait to see where this technology takes us. i mean the system is very innovative, so i want to see wat kind of games publishers come out with.

(echo screen)

be my last [20 Oct 2006|12:16am]
[ mood | sad ]

so my visit back to stockton was awesome. i got to see a lot of people. it kinda made me home sick and i was missing everything a lot. i really wanted to see you when i got there, but i didnt make you a priority like last time. i seen all of my old t mobile crew and that was so awesome.
i told myself that i wasnt going to alter my plans for you, but i did. =P and i had an awesome time with you. im still really confused on where we stand. i asked you would things be different if i lived in stockton and you said yeah. why do i have a hard time believing that. i still dont get why you dont call me. or text me. sarah said if i have to ask myself if you really like me then you dont, cause i shouldnt have to ask myself that. but im having a hard time doing this. do we have something? is it worth trying? i think so. but this whole non-communication thing is bothering me so much. each day that passes, leads on to more uncertainty. and when i talk to you, its the best thing in the world. ive never felt so much emotion and its killing me. i wish we couldve stayed together all night..

(6 loudmouths | echo screen)

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