so its been a really long time since ive updated.
hella shit is going on right now and it hella sucks.
imma start off with sarah & leslie. i think this LJ can more document what has happened between both parties more than anything. apparently, me venting to either party about each other has caused this. when i would have problems with leslie i would vent to sarah. and vice versa. i didnt really have that many problems with sarah. with leslie, yeah. now its at the point where they hate each other. but should it really be like that? should my opinion on either side, have any influence on each others opinion of one another? i guess to a certain extent yes, but not to an extent like it is now. unbenounced to me, they had messged each other talking shit. for what reason, i dont know, but it escalated to this and leslie took it upon herself to drive to sarahs MOMS house while her BABY was insiide the house and call her out to fight. one, leslie should have NEVER done that. that is the most disrespectful thing ever. two, i dont know why they would even be so immature to message each other on myspace talking shit. three, why would sarah go outside to confront her. call the cops. four, why am i getting blamed for EVERYTHING? essentially, i had vented to each party about the other, but did i tell them to message each other and talk shit to each other? NO. i guess this has been going on for a while now and its escalated to this just now. prior to this, everything was cool. when they would be together, no one would say anything. they just acted like they didnt know each other. to me it sucked cause they were both like my best friends. it sucked that they didnt like each other, but there was nothing i could do to make either party like each other. i tried. so i left it alone. the whole messaging thing, i had no idea about. i dont know the extent of the messaging, but it obviously had been going on for some time for this to happen.
so sarah calls me during this and was like, i hope youre fcuking happy, she knows where i live and its all your fault. WHY WOULD I TELL LESLIE WHERE SHE LIVED IF I KNEW THEY HATED EACH OTHER?! what conversation could have possibly come up between me and leslie for me to give her sarahs address?! so i got blamed for that. i was crying cause i had no idea what was going on yet it was my fault.
one minute i was kicking it with sarah & manuel and then i went to lupes with leslie & andi. leslie reads a message on her myspace, and gets up and leaves. then i get a phone call from julio saying leslie is at her house and theyre fighting. leslie should have NEVER done that. but theres nothing i can do to change what happened. im trying to fix things, but nothing is working.
sarah says it my fault, cause im the 'core' of the problem. why she hates leslie i guess. but is it really my fault that they messaged each other? is it my fault they continued to hate each other after i had try to make them not. maybe i didnt try hard enough. raechelle gave me a lecture on how i cant please everyone. i guess its true. i just wanted two of my best friends to get along. they didnt have to hold hands & hang out, but at least not have an negative feelings toward each other. so is it my fault they hate each other? maybe so. dyana told me if i had addressed the problems i had with both head on then i wouldnt be where im at now. hence the reason they hate each other. to me if someone tells me something about someone, that doesnt make me hate them or not like them. i may joke about it but im not serious. im friends with everyone. i have few enemies, anyone can tell you that.
now sarah is basically cutting ties with me. even going to the point of asking for my niece's baby picture back thats in my wallet cause she doesnt want anything negative to be said about her or her family. why would i let that happen. it hurts that she would think i would let someone say anything negative about my niece let alone her. it makes me wonder what she really thinks of me. my own 'best friend' whom ive established an awesome friendship with. and also she asked me to take down a picture i have with us in it. due to the negative comments that might be made.
ive been apologizing to her with no avail. it sucks cause you would think that your BEST FRIEND would look past this. dont get me wrong, what happened was fcuked up and i dont want her to say okay i forgive you and lets go back to normal. but at least talk about things and try to resolve them. shes totally cut me off and wants nothing to do with me. she is, 'too hurt by me to face me'. hurt by me how? WHAT DID I DO!? did i make leslie write to her. did i make her write to leslie? im the 'core' of things. im the reason they hate each other. i guess i am at fault. im the thing in each of their heads saying, 'yeah hate her cause she did this to him.' i didnt know that my friendship was the fcuken holy grail.
everyone i talk to is telling me not to worry. everything will get better. but it wont. or i dont need people like that in my life. but i do. i guess the only thing i can do now is wait it out.
as i re-read the texts from sarah some things become apparent. ill leave it alone.
i am at fault for everything. im not saying this out of pathetic sympathy for myself, but i have to take some blame for some of this. i am the 'core' of things right? that enough should tell me its my fault. all i can do is hope for the best for everyone and live my life how it is.
some friends are like branches on your tree, some are leaves. you wanna keep the branches. the leaves will come and go. i want all my friends to be branches. i guess thats not gonna happen. i guess that branch has broke off.. i will miss her greatly.
'everything changes, friends become strangers. what we hold so dear slips away. the past keeps on fading, but ill never forget you. its hard to see that youre a part of me even when we have to say..'